Thursday, May 12, 2022

Islamic Humor – Muslim Perspectives – Edition 1

HumorIslamic Humor - Muslim Perspectives - Edition 1

Fulfilling Your Order

The Muslim opened his halaal restaurant and had a sign that says:

IF WE CANNOT FULFILL YOUR HALAAL ORDER, YOU GET $200.00

A customer walks in and orders two pita bread and stew camel. The waiter took the order and went to the kitchen. The owner came out in anger and demanded to see the customer.

He said “I cannot fulfill the order” and begins to count out two hundred dollars.

He then said to the customer “I want you to know that this is the first time in 5 years that we have been out of pita bread.

The Dead Husband

The muslim had died and at the funeral, the Imaam spoke up praising all the good the brother had done and how wonderful he was.

The wife of the man listened to all this praise and then gently turned to her child and said, “Kareem, go to the coffin and see if it is really your father in there”

Astronomer and Imaam

An Imam and an astronomer were talking together one day.  The astronomer said that after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that all religion could be   summed up in a single phrase.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex.

After a brief pause, the Imam replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also.

“Oh, and what is that?” the astronaut inquired.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!”

Denounce the Devil

The Imam was at the side of a dying brother. Whispering firmly, the Imam

said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his

evil!  Seek refuge from him”

The dying man said nothing.

The Imam repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The Imam asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his

evil?”

The dying brother said, “Well, if you really want the truth, until I know

where I’m going, I don’t think I should make him mad!”

Sad Stories

Ahmad, Khalid and Jameel were at the ISNA convention sharing a suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the

elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75

flights of stairs to get to their room.

Being motivated from the speeches, they decided that they should not despair. They agreed that for the first 25 flights, Ahmad would read Qur’aan and for the next 25 flights Khalid would sing nasheed (Islamic chants) and for the last 25 flights Jameel would tell stories.  Thus for the first 25 floors Ahmad recited beautifully, then Khalid sang nasheed. At the 51st floor, Jameel began to tell stories. He said “I will start of my saddest story first. I left our room key in the car”

Cat Funeral

A woman took her cat to the masjid to arrange for a funeral for him. The Imaam told her that  they do not  bury cats . He suggested that she go to the Christian church down the street. The woman said, “That’s too bad.  I was planning to give you $50,000 to show my gratitude, but I guess I can give it to the Catholic church just as easily.”

The Imaam said “Oh why didn’t you say your cat was a muslim, come right in please and we will see what we can do?”

Little Khaleel

Little Khaleel comes home from school at the end of a term from

school with his report card.  The report card has all D’s and F’s.

His parents start lecturing him, and Khaleel explains that everyone in

his class did poorly not just him.

“But what about Ahmad down the street,” they said, “he brought home all

A’s and B’s”

“Well Ahmad is different.” He retorted

“How so?” His father asked.

“Cuz his parents are smart!”

The fish got away
Little Khaleel  burst into the house, crying his eyes out. His Ummee (mom)
asked him what the problem was. “Abee (dad) and I were fishing, and he hooked
a giant fish. Really big. Then, while reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.”
“Now come on, Khaleel, ” his mother said, “a big boy like you shouldn’t be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed.”
“That’s what I did, Ummee.”

Belief is Everything

My grandmother, Fatimah who lived in Tucson, was well-known for her faith.  She would go out on the front porch and say, “Alhamdu lillah” (All Praises are for Allah) and “Allahu Akbar” (God is greater). Her next door neighbor would shout back, “There ain’t no Allah! God doesn’t exist”
During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door.
The next morning, my grandmother Fatimah  went to the porch and, seeing the groceries, said, “thank you Allah for answering my prayer (dua’)”
The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said, ” Ahaa, I bought those groceries. I told you there ain’t no God.”
My grandmother looked up and replied, “Alhamdu Lillah, O Allah, you not only sent me food but you made this devil pay and deliver it to me.”

Author

  • b513012b3c6dfd1c5ce7d3003fb47e61?s=80&d=mm&r=g

    Naseeb Khan was born in Guyana and is one of the founding members of the Guyana Islamic Trust and its first Ameer. He has been involved in the da’wah and youth work for over forty years and was Imam of Nur ul Islam, Florida for the past ten years. He is an author and has written several books and articles on Islam. Among them are “The Islamic Meeting”, "Tried and Tested" and "Ramadan 101 for busy Muslims".

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